Dear Illuminati

To: admin@illuminati.gov

Subject: re: Membership Application

Dear Sir/Madam

I hope you are well in this difficult time. I realize that you and your colleagues must be very busy with the plandemic and the 5G roll-out, but I just wanted to check that you received my membership application? I attach it again, for reference.

Kind regards,

George Malherbe

To: admin@illuminati.gov

Subject: re: re: Membership Application

Sorry, I forgot to attach. Here it is.

Kindest regards,

George Malherbe

To: admin@illuminati.gov

Subject: Applying again

Dear Sir/Madam

I trust that you are well. I still have not received confirmation that my application has been accepted, or rejected for that matter. I would like to restate here my reasons for wanting to join your illustrious organization, for your consideration.

The Illuminati have always given me a sense of comfort, ever since I first discovered you on 8chan. It was good to know that someone, somewhere was in control, making sure that everything goes according to plan. The world was not just a chaotic mess, but a carefully planned chaotic mess. I began to connect the dots, and saw your hidden hand behind everything. I have great respect for an organization that can wield that much power without bragging about it. I have always found PR stunts to be in bad taste, and I appreciate that your organization gets to the business of running the world without blowing your own trumpet.

I believe that I am well-suited to a career in the Illuminati. I am obedient, eager and enlightened. I am ready to do anything for the cause, as soon as I am told what that cause is.

Hopeful regards,

George Malherbe

To: admin@illuminati.gov

Subject: Complaints

Dear Sir/Madam

After waiting patiently to be accepted into your organization, I am afraid I will now have to take this up with your superior, since you are clearly incapable of even just replying to my mails to let me know about the status of my application! I feel that this is unfair treatment, especially since I have already tattooed the All Seeing Eye onto my right hand, and it really hurt a lot.

I kindly ask that you send me the email address of your manager, or if your manager is currently spying on my emails, for him/her to contact me immediately.

Annoyed regards,

George Malherbe

To: admin@illuminati.gov

Subject: Apology

Dear Sir/Madam

I would like to apologize unreservedly for my last email. I was slightly intoxicated, and I made a fool of myself. I don’t blame you for not replying. Frankly, I wouldn’t reply either. What am I? Especially to an organization such as yours? Nothing. Less than nothing. A lowly worm crawling through the muck.

That said, I would appreciate an update on the status of my application.

Apologetic regards,

George Malherbe

To: admin@illuminati.gov

Subject: re: re: re: Membership Application

Dear Sir/Madam

I figured it out! Your silent guidance has shown me what needs to be done. Of course! How dull and sheeplike of me to expect acceptance into your brotherhood if I have not yet proven my commitment. I can only show that through actions, not through words. What is a thousand-word essay compared to propaganda of the deed!

I will soon show you and your superiors that my life has value. That I can be put to use for something greater than myself. That I will do anything you command me to. It was so simple, and yet it took me so long to figure it out. But I did! I did!

I’m almost giddy with excitement. Are you excited too, Sir/Madam? I bet you are. I bet you’re watching me on your screens right now, walking into McDonald’s with my rifle. I can already see you laughing, clapping, cheering, accepting me into the Order. Finally, I will belong.

I will belong.

Determined regards,

George Malherbe

To: Georgemal@gmail.com

Subject: Failure to deliver

Dear George,

The webhost was unable to deliver the following emails:

Subject: re: Membership Application

Subject: re: re: Membership Application

Subject: Applying again

Subject: Complaints

Subject: Apology

Subject: re: re: re: Membership Application

The email address admin@illuminati.govcould not be found. Please check that you have the correct address, and resend your messages.

Regards,

MailBot